“Use Instagram!” — they said.
“It’s good for marketing!” — they said.
So I did it, shamelessly later than everyone else, I installed Instagram. I truly had no idea how it worked and I so much felt the discomfort and sense of loss that a middle aged person experiences when dealing with a new technology. And, at the moment I’m writing this, I’m just 27.
My good friend Sarah thankfully explained me how to use it, she told me I have to use hashtags, that I can “discover” new photos, and all that stuff. This was on a Saturday afternoon.
And then it’s Sunday. I wake up, tap the Instagram icon on my smartphone and…BAM! sucked into another reality.
Ripped people literally EVERYWHERE. Bodies one can dream of just there on my phone flexing all over the screen. I was double tapping like it was a reaction test. And then they started coming.
My phone was flooded with butts. They were all over the place. And I’m not just talking about, you know, regular girl-butt. We are talking about sex dream-butt. Oh, they squat, let me tell you that. I felt the same sense of awe and limitless options I think I felt when I was 14 and discovered the Internet. I was double-tapping every single butt. Which I think caused me to lose all my first followers in a transport of pity and disgust.
Well, last think you know it’s 7PM. I completely wasted my day watching at butts. Ah, and by the way, during all this I was just spamming my male friends on WhatsApp sharing the butts I liked.
If you are a woman and feel totally repelled at the moment don’t, men like butts and you should start squatting. Like now. Stop reading and go! It will bring more joy to the world trust me. And, you know, you might get this t-shirt so people don’t get distracted by your perfection and keep looking in your eyes.
I had fun although people should have told me that.
The next days my obsession with Instagram’s butts kinda gradually died down but it rose my standards to very dangerous levels. Anyway, let’s keep talking about my Instagram’s journey. My plan is not to post pics of myself flexing because 1) I’m that kind of person that changes his Facebook profile pics once every 6 months (and that’s because others take pics of me) 2) I don’t have yet one of those crazy bodies. So I had to come up with an idea to provide value on a photo sharing platform. Then it struck me. You know all those motivational photos you see a lot everywhere? Usually they have very beautiful photos and then some quote or inspirational thoughts usually totally unrelated with the photo. Well, I was going to make it funny. Beautiful pics and broscience related quotes. Something like this:
How many time have you heard this? A photo posted by The Bioscientist (@iamthebroscientist) on
Usually when I get myself the reaction of laughing out loud at this, I know that it’s what I want to share. Sometimes I get in a rapture and I start making 4 or 5 of these at the same time. The only part I hate is the hashtag part. Finding 30 relevant hashtags to attract people might find your pics compelling.
I’m not going to do only this of course, I like to constantly change so stay tuned for new funny pics and follow me on Instagram @iamthebroscientist!